Day 11: Photo Challenge

Day 11: A picture of something you hate.

  

This about more than just weight.

    My weight is something I have struggled with my whole life. Although now I look back at pictures of me in high school, college and even newly married and think..."What was I thinking!??!?!" I would do anything to be back at that weight. 
     Not that I would trade one pound I gained while pregnant for my son. He was worth ever single one of them...and I am by no means blaming my pregnancy for making me fat...that comes from a combination of things anyone could list..... but this is the one area in my life that I just can not shake the feeling of failure from. Actually it is probably the only area that I constantly feel like I fail at. 
     I have been attending a "boot camp" class since July of last year and while this class has done an amazing job of helping me to build and tone my muscles back up after having a child, and I have lost tons of inches from various parts of my body, the scale seems almost impossible to budge. Since July I have only lost 10 lbs. Yes you guessed it that still leaves me +23lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight 


     I try to watch what I eat and make healthy choices, but I am not going to blow smoke up anyone's arse and say that I am perfect at it. I'm not. And I have a husband who can eat anything without gaining a pound and often wants things for dinner that I wouldn't choose if I was still single, but that compromise is part of being married. I could be content on grilled chicken every night, but my husband needs and wants variety. So that adds to the struggle because I do not have the time, energy or money to make two different meals a night. 
     I have added cardio to my workouts, more so lately than before, and I am working at being more consistent at it, but again I am not perfect. I have realized lately that I am capable of doing more cardio than I originally thought since the birth of my child, and although that has given me a boost in my confidence, my confidence is still swaying. 
     Don't get me wrong. I am not obsessed with hitting a certain number or being a certain weight. I do however know how much more comfortable I am in my clothes and appearance at certain numbers, so it is hard to not say "I want to weigh ____lbs."
     I also worry about my weight because my family history on both sides is not good. Both sides of my family have an incredible sweet tooth. My mom's family seems to carry their weight around their stomach and my dad's family carries it in the hips, butt and thighs. Yeah so you wonder why I am worried. I want to be healthy more than I want to be skinny. I want to be mobile when I am 80 years old and not be complaining that I ache everywhere. I want to be able to keep up with my children and hopefully someday my grandchildren I want to live life to the fullest, not BE the fullest.

     A few weeks ago I was beaming with a new found self confidence that I was running again and that I had lost a fair number of inches over the last month. Then I took a trip to Victoria Secrets with a friend because she wanted to buy something. As I was waiting for her to try things on and make her selections, I was looking around and remembering the entire drawer of cute VS bras that I have not been able to fit in since my pregnancy, and the outfits I had in my closet I wouldn't even think about trying on again right now. Let's just say that wondering a store that you can not buy one article of clothing at because you are the "right size" will slash your confidence faster than a lot of other things.

I hate that feeling...that lack of confidence...the feeling of not being the "right size".... blowing of my husband's compliments because I don't feel worthy of the words he says....I hate feeling like a failure.

I am praying for more confidence, praying for strength, praying for the resolve to get to where I want to be...praying that someday soon I will be comfortable in my own skin and it will take more than a name brand store to shake my confidence.


     

Day 10: Photo Challenge

Day 10: A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.

    Me and Meggan at my wedding in June 2008..... 

     Everyone meet Meggan! Meggan and I met our freshman year of college and spent the next 3.5 years of our lives having some unforgettable adventures. They are definitely memorable moments. I honestly don't think we need to go into a lot of detail over the past adventures, but I will say at least half of them were accompanied by Jack and Jose along with a few other popular names. I mean look at the picture above...is that a face of innocence? :) 

     Meggan and I lived across the hall our freshman year, decided to live together our sophomore year, and spent most of our free time in each other's company our Junior year. (Our Senior year I lived off campus). We ventured out for Thirsty Thursdays, took a road trip to Alabama for playoffs, had jobs together at Max n' Erma's and at Target, called numerous cabs, ran from the cops, jumped the border once or twice, and fought like sisters. We have seen each other at our BEST and our WORST...and I wouldn't change one minute of our friendship and those 3.5 unforgettable years. 

     Meggan has a passionate heart. She is capable of something that I can never imagine doing on a daily basis. Meggan is a Special Education teacher in Alaska and she is beyond passionate about her job and her kids. I give all my respect to Meggan. She did not choose to be a Special Education teacher because it paid more, or was easier to find a teaching job, she choose it because she loves everything about it, but most of all she loves the kids. And rightfully so, they love her right back. 

     I only wish that Meggan and I lived closer so that we could see each other grow in our new adventures of marriage and children. 

     

Day 9: Photo Challenge

Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

This is my best friend Elaney, me and our sons, in October of 2009. 

     Elaney has been my best friend since the 6th grade when she moved to Belding, joined band, and I was asked to teach her how to play the clarinet! I must have been a great teacher because she beat me out in the chair test. But all that aside she has been right there by my side ever since 6th grade. 

     How would I describe Elaney?... adventurous, witty and down right hilarious. She has a wonderful since of humor and dreams bigger than anyone else I know. She is determined, hard-working and passionate. 

     I have shared my dreams, hopes and fears with her. She is my voice of reason when I can not find my own, a listening ear when I need to vent or talk things out, laughter when I am lonely and she gives advice when I ask for it. 

     Thousands of miles may separate us, and sometimes to much time passes between phone calls and visits, but we pick up right where we left off, never missing a beat.
     And Yes we are the best of friends who somehow even ended up pregnant at the same time, without planning it. and our handsome sons were born 2 days apart!

Day 8: Photo Challenge

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.
This Picture was taken at Dollywood right after Wes and I got married in June 2008. These are our friends Dustin and Bekah.


I remember this being absolutely hilarious at the time, but for the life of me it escapes my memory on how this all got started. But I am certain that not one of us actually peed our pants! Maybe Bekah can help refresh my memory! 

Day 7: Photo Challenge

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

     The posting says ITEM so since I can not pick a person, I am picking my wedding ring. I treassure the ring not because of it's monetary value, but the deeper rooted meaning behind it. This ring was picked out for me by a man who loves. A man who had no obligation to love me because of family ties or threat to his life, but a man who CHOOSES to love me everyday out of his own free will. 

     To me, this ring symbolizes that commitment. The commitment to love each other freely and according to our own free will. Our commitment to be there for each other through ALL of life's journeys...the good AND the bad. Our commitment to the Lord that we will do everything possible to make this marriage last and make it glorify Him. The rings symbolize our Trust and Honesty between each other. They symbolize our Love.  

     I had so many people tell me when I got my wedding band that I would want a new one in 5 years or so after marriage. That the one I had would no longer be big enough, or that I simply would want a different design. However, I believe that I will be content because I am a little to emotional over the sentimental value of the ring to ever just replace it.  

Day 6: Photo Challenge

Day 6: A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.

This is a picture of my mom holding Noah in January 2010. 

     Let's be really honest I really don't want to change places with my mom. She has a hard situation which I am sure I wouldn't be able to handle with an ounce of the patience that she does every day all year long. She is a true testement of loving someone else "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health..." 

     However, I would love to trade places with my mom for a day so that she could be with her grandson. Her love for him is so apparent even though they are 5000 miles away and she has seen him for less than a month of his life over the last 13.5 months. She tells him she loves him almost every day on the phone and talks to him like she is right in the room. I know that it breaks her heart to not be able to stop over and see Noah, or spend a day with him just because. I would love for her to just have a day with him to herself to share her laughter with him and him with her, to take him where ever she wanted, to share stories with him, and rock him and kiss him goodnight. 

Day 5: Photo Challenge

Day 5: A Picture of Your Favorite Memory

 I know some explanation is needed on how this photo is my "favorite memory." This picture was taken at the Ripley's Aquarium in Gatlinburg, TN. in Oct. 2007. Wes and I had taken a road trip up to Tennessee so that I could meet his parents and he could visit with them. He was so nervous because he had never brought a girl home to meet his folks before and I was nervous because his father, who I had been calling Bob the whole time I had been talking to him, had recently informed me that he would appreciate being called "Mr. Sutton." I thought his father was joking at first, but after joking about it a few times I figured out he was dead serious. While we were visiting his parents we had a mandatory "family fun day" upon which I was able to go. The Aquarium was beautiful and I would highly recommend it if you are ever in the area. Wes and I had been having a great time and I remember as we were walking in the tunnel that went through the tank and we were surrounded by the fish and sharks and all kinds of sea life I wanted to tell Wes.... "I Love You!" I had never said those words to him before, or any guy for that matter, and I wanted to shout it from the roof tops, or maybe in this case the bottom of the "sea". However, I am beyond stubborn and was slightly afraid of what he would say, let alone if his family heard, plus I wanted him to say it first! Yes that is right we had been talking and dating for basically a year and we had never said those three little words! Both of us took those words seriously and believed they should only be said if you meant them with your whole heart.
     So after a day of family fun, it was time for bed. I had crawled into the twin bed in the basement of Wes' parents house and Wes had come over to tuck me in and give me a kiss goodnight and as he was kneeling there he asked me if he could tell me something. I said "of course." and Wes replied with " I Love You!" Without any hesitation or reservations I sat up and said, "I Love You Too!"