The second month...

My Dearest Noah,

Oh how you have changed! I woke up one day and really had to ask myself where my "little baby" had gone and who this big boy next to me was!

The highlight of this month was definitely seeing you smile and laugh for the first time! You have a smile that could light up any room and warm any heart. Your laugh comes from your belly and is so genuine everyone laughs back at you when they hear it. You think that 3:30 am is the most hilarious time of the day and love to try to talk and laugh with momma in bed. It is so hard to resist having a conversation with you at that time, but momma and you need our sleep, so I try to encourage you to laugh and talk between 6-7am when you wake up again.

Grandpa and Nannah Sutton came to visit you this month and they spoiled you rotten, but in the long run it is OK. You no longer find your play mat entertaining, although we are working on getting you to like it again. However, you have taken more to your swing and talking to the animals on it.

Speaking of talking you are really finding your voice lately. Your favorite sound seems to be ouh...kind of like ouch...but much cuter. You have started to squeal a little too although this startles you somewhat. You love to stand up in front of people and have conversations with them for long periods of time, but when you are done you melt down, like your legs can not take it anymore.

You are so strong and everyone comments on it, even the doctors. Like I said before you can stand up for long periods of time and you hold your head up all by yourself. You can lift your head up off the mat and turn it side to side even though you fight tummy time with everything in you, but momma is making you do it regardless. Some day you will thank me :) You have begun to find your hands even more and I know that you have to be wondering what they are there for. You have started to reach for stuff, but haven't quite got the fact that you could grab something in front of you if you wanted. You spread out your hands though trying to explore the whole world around you and everything that comes near you. When you do grab on to some one's finger good luck to them getting their finger back!

Momma and you are still working on the breastfeeding thing, but I know I just need to relax over the subject and know that I am doing a good job and you are getting what you need. I do love the time we spend together doing it though. We supplement about twice a day and you suck a bottle down faster than momma can make it! And you burp like a grown man. It is to funny.

You are still sleeping with momma despite my short lived attempt at getting you into your own bed, but honestly I really enjoy having you there and knowing you are my child. Eventually I will move you into your own bed, but for now I am just going to enjoy this time with you. You do take your naps in your own crib and you do very well with that when you are on your tummy. However, I am not willing to let you sleep on your tummy at night when I can not keep my eye on you. Maybe when you are able to roll over it will be time to try it out, but until then we will learn to be content.

You love to be rocked even more than you did before and you get so relaxed when momma hums to you. I don't sing much because I hope you have a better "ear" than me as you grow older, but you love the humming. I try to think of new songs everyday to sing to you, but you love Silent Night, Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children, Strangers in the Night and The B-I-B-L-E...I don't know why but they just make you relax.

We sadly washed, folded and packed away your Newborn clothing at the end of 5 weeks. It was so sad, but you do look so cute in your 0-3 month outfits and the cloth diapers help you fill them right out! Hopefully we will make it through all of the outfits before we need to move onto the next size, but if not it is no big deal.

We also started using your cloth diapers this month, since we could finally get them tight enough around your legs and tummy. And we LOVE them! They keep you so dry and we haven't had any accidents with them. They also give momma a little something to hold on to when you are in her arms :) The diapers really require very little work besides rinsing the poo out of them when you go poo, and one extra load of laundry a day. I wash your diapers in the morning, hang them on the line and usually while you nap in the evening I stuff them and fold them again for the next day! I am so glad that I decided to have you be a cloth diapered baby and I can give a little bit back to the environment so you can enjoy it as you grow.

You checked out well at your Doctor's appointments and at 4 weeks you measured 21.5 inches long and weighed 9lbs 3oz. At 6 weeks you weighed 10lbs 2 oz, so you are definitely a growing boy. Your two month check up will bring another chance to see how much you have grown and your first round of immunizations. Hopefully we will handle it well.

I hope you know the joy and love you have brought to my life and you will forever feel loved and wanted. You are my angel and I thank God everyday for you. Continue to be happy and learn to love life with everything that is in your being. This is my wish for you.

With All of My Love,
Momma

A Love Letter...

Dear Noah,
The last three weeks have been the best three weeks of my life. Watching you grow and change everyday fills me will excitement and fear all at the same time. I am excited to see you interacting with the world around you as you discover new things but I am filled with fear that the time I have with you will go by to fast and be gone before I know it.
This week I saw you smile for the first time. You were laying on your mat and you looked at me and smiled. It wasn't one of the fake smiles from gas or something else but a real smile and it almost broke my heart. I try so hard to make sure you are a happy baby and seeing that smile just made me feel like I had done something right at that time.
You love to be on your play mat, listening to the music, watching the lights and looking at the animals hanging from it. You can actually scoot yourself all the way around the mat and you love to scoot toward the toucan that hangs on the one side. You are more fascinated with it for some reason than the other toys. You have started to move your mouth in the cooing fashion and have found a few sounds, and I know it won't be long before you are having your own conversations with your toys.
You love to be nursed and snuggle until you fall asleep. Luckily for me, I love this time too. It is so hard to put you down for a nap for I know there will be a day when you will not want your mother to hold you and love on you like you do now. I don't know if a baby can actually be spoiled at your age by being held to much, and I am not quiet sure if I care if you are spoiled in this way, for this time is precious and something I know that I will never get back. I saw it written once...that it is impossible to spoil a baby by holding them to much, since they are used to being held by their mother's 24 hours a day before they are born...so for now I think that this will be my motto, especially when someone tells me I am spoiling you.
You absolutely love your bath time and couldn't be happier being in the tub getting clean. You especially like it when your head is scrubbed, which you must have gotten from me, because I love having my hair played with and washed. You love to look out the kitchen window during bath time too. I am not quiet sure if you are looking at the tree or what fascinates you about the outside since nothing is really close enough for you to see, but you love it regardless.
Mommy and Daddy had to give you a bottle this week since your appetite is definitely a good one, which would explain why I always felt sick if I didn't eat often or quick enough when I was pregnant with you. I believe you hit a growth spurt though, and after five straight hours of nursing, mommy needed a break.
I have done the one thing I swore I would never do, and that is let you sleep in bed with us. Honestly it scares me to death. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you, but I have become more comfortable with it over time. You are so content snuggled against my belly, in the same place you have been for the last 10 months. It is amazing when I look at you and actually realize that you..all of you...was tucked away in my tummy. What a true miracle and gift from God you honestly are.
There are a million more things that I could say to you about how you have changed my life in such a short time, if only I could find the words, but for now they are held in my heart.
I hope you know how much you are truly loved.
Love Always,
Momma

How fast time goes...

Dear Noah,

I can barely believe how fast time has gone since you came into my life. Just yesterday I was sitting here with you in my belly and today you are in my arms. Your arrival was not an easy one nor did anything really go according to how your momma had it laid out in her head, but the end result was beautiful...we finally had you, our healthy baby boy, in our arms.

You decided to start making your presence known on Thursday night, the 17th of Dec., by giving mommy some good contractions that lasted well into Fri. night. But by 6pm the contractions had faded and the hope of meeting you on your due date did to. Sat. brought a few small contractions but nothing worthy of calling home about. Then Sunday morning around 2:30am mommy woke up to go the bathroom and found blood. I was excited but scared so I woke daddy and we headed to the hospital. After monitoring you for over 20 minutes and being checked out by the Doctor, we were declared fine and sent home until the contractions were less than three mins apart. So sadly we came back home and mommy endured contractions for the rest of the day and into Monday morning. Monday morning brought momma some worries because she hadn't felt you move since about 10pm Sunday night. So Daddy took me back to the hospital before he went to work to just make sure everything was alright. Again the Doctors monitored me for twenty mins and did a quick exam. The Doctor also re-striped my membranes and sent Daddy and I walking around the hospital for two hours before coming back to get rechecked. Mommy and Daddy wandered everywhere, stopping often so I could make it through a contraction, but to no eval we still were not far enough along after two hours of walking. So again we were sent home. I was pretty scared because I could tell the contractions were way stronger and I really couldn't find any comfortable position to be in and Daddy had to go back to work.

For the rest of the day momma went through contractions that got stronger and stronger and brought many moans, groans and tears with them. Daddy helped me time the contractions later that night and by 11pm the contractions were between 1-3 mins apart, so we headed once again to the hospital.

This time it was a go! I was admitted to Labor and Delivery by 1am and I was 5cm dilated 100% effaced and at a +1 gestation. However, I was in pain and as hard as daddy tried to keep me focused and breathe I just couldn't get my mind focused. I ended up screaming like a mad woman, but honestly it was the only thing that made me feel better. Thankfully momma decided to take the drugs offered by the hospital and an Angel named Charley came and gave them to me. Within mins I was mostly sain again, and I was actually able to get some sleep after 2 days of not sleeping. I was re-checked around 3am and I was 6cm dilated. At 6am I was 8cm dilated, and at 8am I was still 8cm. The hospital broke my water and gave me a small amount of pitocin to help me get into a regular contracting pattern and it helped although the contractions never stayed completely regular throughout the labor. Around 10am a mid-wife came in to check me since all the doctors were in a meeting or surgery and she discovered that I was about 9cm dilated but your head was what they call Transverse...or you were looking at my hip.

A little while later the Doctor came back in to re-examine me and she was not happy that your head was no longer facing the right way. She talked to me about a c-section, but I told her we really needed to think about it and that I wanted the chance to push.

The nurse, Caroline, and anesthesiologist, Kathy, were absolutely wonderful in encouraging me to try for a vaginal delivery as long as yours and my heart rate held steady and no one was stressed. They said that the Doctor was really conservative and didn't like to take any risks, but there was no reason to think I couldn't do it.

So after reaching 10cm about 11am, I "labored down" for an hour before telling the doctor that I was going to try pushing against her wishes. I started pushing at 1240pm and continued through two more attempts by the doctor to try to get me to have a c-section. Finally about an hour and a half into the pushing the head doctor came in with the labor doctor to check me and give his opinion. I had turned on my side to push some before he walked in and it must have done the trick because he declared that your head was in the correct position and there was no reason to believe that I wouldn't be able to have a vaginal birth! I was so excited....even though I still had a long road ahead.

I continued pushing. Eventually a little while later, another nurse came in and informed me that she had been praying for me to be able to have a natural birth. Caroline asked her for a little lube and the new nurse decided to add 6 or so packets to the area down below, declaring she would get the baby o one way or another :) She also asked me if I wanted a mirror, and reluctantly I agreed. It was the best decision I could have ever made! I never thought that I would honestly want to see that area of my body especially given the circumstances, but it was so helpful! I could see when I was pushing correct and I could see your head! With every push the room filled with more and more excitement. Finally it was time. I told the nurse that you were coming out within the next 20 mins, even though in my heart I knew it would be with the next set of pushes. The nurse made first call, and the room filled with people. The Doctor added a bottle of baby shampoo to my girl parts, declaring she wanted you to have a head full of clean hair when you came out. The next contraction came and I pushed... and I got to see your face for the first time. I was in love. After 2 hours and 55 mins of pushing, drug adjustments, tears over the constant talk of a c-section, laughing so hard we couldn't tell when the contractions were coming, 6+ packs of lube and a bottle of baby shampoo, learning my son decided to poo inside me two hours after my water was broken, and a surprise cord around his neck when he came out (miraculously it never affected his heart rate)...you were here! I was a momma, Wes was a daddy and we had you as our son. Our hearts broke. As you were taken to the station to be suctioned out and evaluated Daddy and I broke into tears. Tears of Joy and Excitement and tears of worry as I couldn't hear any noises and I knew the risks with you swallowing the Meconium. Daddy reassured me you were ok after I sent him over to be with you. After being evaluated by peds you were declared alright. However after a few more mins your oxygen saturation was only in the 80's, so peds was called back down. They decided to take you to the NICU to be safe. I asked to hold you before you went and for the next 30 seconds I loved you I loved you, to be strong for momma, and come back to me. As you and Daddy left the room, and all the Doctors cleared out. I was left in silence for the next 30 mins or so, until the nurse came in.

A little over an hour later you and Daddy returned, and our family was together. You were declared healthy and you were actually never admitted to the NICU since your oxygen saturation was up to 99% by the time the reached the NICU doors.

40 weeks...

How far Along? 40 weeks! We made it...this baby should be done cooking!
Total Weight Gain/Loss: 47lbs! OOOYYYEE ....oh well, I know he is going to be worth every lb.
Maternity cloths: Yes and I will say amazingly they do fit through the whole pregnancy like the woman said...crazy since you don't know how big you are going to get!
Stretch Marks? yeah I got them....but they are not multiplying so that is good.
Sleep: It is starting to get worse as time goes on, but I still get enough of it.
Best Moment This week: Having the Doctor tell me that everything is looking great especially for a first time mom, and then having really good contractions on his due date...maybe they will be going somewhere! We also received our crib in the mail from Grandpa Sutton! It is homemade and absolutely beautiful!
Movement? Noah has slowed down the last couple of days, but we still get our special moments in :)
Food Cravings? Just last night it was oreos
Gender: BOY
Labor signs: YES YES YES! As of Wed I was still only one cm dilated, but 50% effaced, with the baby fully engaged and the cervix still in the correct position. (This is what made the doctor so happy) We decided to have my membranes striped, and Thursday morning I definitely lost my mucus plug....and it was disgusting! I had contractions and back ache starting late Thursday night and they went pretty much until 5-6 pm on Friday night and then began to taper down...so we will see, but at the very least hopefully progress was made!
Belly Button: In
What I Miss: Wearing my wedding ring :( That's right I had to take it off last week with the fear I would otherwise have to have it cut off. I could still wear it around the house (if I wasn't up and walking a lot) until yesterday when it wouldn't fit over my knuckle in the morning! So sad! So yes I am swollen and it makes for being uncomfortable.
What I am Looking Forward to: LABOR AND BIRTH! I know I know, but I truly am looking forward to it! And of course meeting Noah, holding him for the first time, seeing him, smelling him, all those good things.
Milestones: This baby should be fully cooked! We hit 40 weeks, and although I would have loved to meet my son anytime, I am extremely happy that we made it to our due date with no complications.

Inspired...

So I watched Julie and Julia last night on dvd, and I am inspired to try a "project" blog. For no other reason or purpose than to do it for myself. I am contemplating what to do though and I am thinking about trying to commit to it for a full year as well. I have some thoughts of what to do but I have not decided on anything definite yet. If it was up to Wesley I am sure he would suggest that I learn how to cook french food since that is by far his favorite, but I want it to be for me. The next decision after deciding on the content is to decide how often to blog...which might be hard to do daily with a new born....also whether I keep going with this blog, start a new blog, do both etc. ...do I make another blog on this blogger, or find a different one? So many questions...I hope to have it figured out by the beginning of the new year...which is when I would want to start this whole process, but that is another problem because I will be very busy with visitors in town for 5 weeks as well as having a new born and the wrapping up of holidays. Oh the decisions....check back soon and I will keep you posted as I make decisions.

39 weeks...can't believe it is almost over

How Far Along? 39 wonderful weeks :)
Total Weight Gain/Loss: holding out at 45 lbs.
Maternity Cloths: yes
Stretch Marks: yes
Best Moment this Week? Being told by the doc that the baby was about 7 lbs...needless to say I laughed because I am sure he is bigger. Also that things are progressing in the right direction, even if they are taking their time!
Movement: Little wiggles, definitely no room left for him to be rolling around!
Food Cravings: no
Gender: Boy
Labor Signs: Yes...ok here is the TMI section so skip ahead if you want! My cervix is Anterior...which is the correct position, 1 cm dilated as of Wed. Lost part of the mucus plug Wed. Had period like cramping on and off but lots Thursday morning. I am completely constipated, go figure and I keep having labor dreams...oh yeah plus some contractions on and off, some slight swelling and I am hot all the time!
Belly Button: Way in Still
What I miss: being able to bend without the hard hard stomach getting in the way...comfortably tying my own shoes! Thanks Wes for helping me out!
What I am looking Forward to: MEETING NOAH! It can not get much more real than that. 10 months is a long time to wait to meet our child, and I am praying he comes in the next 7 days so we don't have to go over 10 months!
Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy those last secret moments between you and your baby. Feeling him move and grow inside you is an amazing thing, so cherish it.

38 weeks and waiting...

How Far Along? 38 weeks and waiting...

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Yeah you guessed it I am now up to 45 lbs...wonderful....the fact that I actually had to lean over my belly to see the numbers at the doctor's office should have been my first clue not to look!

Maternity Cloths: This is a No-Brain er

Stretch Marks: Yes, I do have some on my stomach and dots on my hips..see the attached picture if you dare. :) Luckily they haven't gotten any worse.

Best Moment This Week: Watching Noah move his butt from side to side on my stomach and seeing Wes' face as he realised he was grabbing Noah's foot.

Movement: Noah is wiggling from side to side, trying to walk on my side and sliding his 'feet' or some other pointy part down my sides :)

Food Cravings? Nope, actually it is going back to the beginning when nothing looked good, sounded good, or tasted good.

Gender? Still a boy

Labor Signs: No labor signs yet, besides the BH contractions and the fact his head is so dang low the doctor looked surprised.

Belly Button: It hasn't changed any more...it is still in

What I Miss: Unrestricted movement...my long morning walks, breathing normally, and not thinking about labor every breathing second of my day :)

What I am Looking Forward to: Labor....being able to see, smell, hold and love on Noah

Weekly Wisdom: Never let someone convince you that you will probably go into labor early. it is honestly not worth the let down when it doesn't happen. Take the due date your doctor has given you, add two weeks to it and tell people that is when you are due. That way maybe they won't ask so often, you won't get your hopes up of having the kid before that date, but if you do go into labor sooner then it will be a pleasant surprise!

Milestones: 38 weeks...I don't need a bigger milestone than that!