Rejoice in EVERY Moment...

If motherhood has taught me anything at all it is this: to be thankful and rejoice in EVERY moment that God gives you with your child.
And when I say EVERY moment, I honestly mean EVERY last moment.

This is by no means an easy lesson or one that fell on me in the first few moments of motherhood, but I feel lucky that I did learn it and continue to grow in it within the first few months of my child's life. Trust me when I say learning this lesson and always keeping it in the back of my mind, makes all the "hard" moments a little more tolerable.

Don't get me wrong I am by no means a mother who thinks she has it all figured out. I am also not naive in thinking that I have an perfect angel child. I would not say that I am a "new age thinker" who doesn't believe that there will come a time when my child needs a good ole' fashion swat on the butt either...actually that thought has already crossed my mind, he was just lucky he wasn't a year older throwing the same fit.

What I have learned is to cherish every moment, the good and the bad because in the long run you never know when that moment will be your last. The last time you have to wake up every two hours to breastfeed you brand new baby. The last time you get to breastfeed at all. The last time you have to wake up with your baby in the middle of the night to rock him back to sleep. The last time he needs your help supporting his head before he can fully do it on his own. The last time he needs you to change his diaper, give him a bath, feed him, brush his teeth, hold his hand, kiss his boo-boos or tuck him in at night. The last time he wants you to hug him in public, take him to school, meet his friends or brings a girl home for the last time. The last time he sleeps in your house before moving into his own, the last time you are the "woman in his life" before he ask another woman to be his wife. The list could go on and on.

I have already experienced a few "last moments" with my baby who is already, but only, 4 months old and to be honest many tears have already been shed for the missed opportunities to just enjoy those moments a little longer. To not fret about when "this phase" will end, but to just learn to breath and be present and enjoy EVERY moment.

I found this poem on another friend's blog and it really summed up how I feel. WhenI googled it, the poem is actually a book written by Karen Kingsbury, and one that will obviously be going on the to-buy list. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did, but more importantly I hope you learn to cherish EVERY last moment with your child because it makes EVERY moment worth it.

Let Me Hold You Longer

By: Karen Kingsbury

"Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts:

First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.

But one day you will move away and leave to me your past,

And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.

~~~~~

The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips.

The last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip.

The last time when you woke up crying needing to be walked.

When last you crawled up with your blanket, wanting to be rocked.

~~~~~

The last time that you ran to me still small enough to hold,

The last time that you said you'd marry me when you grew old.

Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from the past-

Would I have held you longer if I knew they were your last?

~~~~~

Our last adventure to the park, your final midday nap,

The last time when you wore your favorite faded baseball cap.

Your last few hours of kindergarten, last days of first grade,

Your last at bat in Little League, last colored picture made.

~~~~~

I never said goodbye to all your yesterdays long past.

So what about tomorrow--will I recognise your lasts?

~~~~~

The last time that you catch a frog in that old backyard pond.

The last time that you run barefoot across our fresh-cut lawn.

Silly, scattered images will represent your past.

I keep on taking pictures, not quiet sure of your lasts...

~~~~~

The last time that I comb your hair or stop a pillow fight.

The last time that I pray with you and tuck you in at night.

The last time that we cuddle with a book, just me and you.

The last time that you jump in our bed and sleep between us two.

~~~~~

The last piano lesson, last vacation to the lake.

Your last few weeks of middle school, last soccer goal you make.

I look ahead and dream of days that haven't come to pass.

But as I do, I sometimes miss today's sweet, precious lasts...

~~~~~

My life keeps moving faster, stealing precious days that pass.

I want to hold you longer--want to recognise your lasts.

~~~~~

The last time that you need my help with details of a dance.

The last time that you ask me for advice about romance.

The last time that you talk to me about your hopes and dreams.

The last time that you wear a jersey for your high school team.

~~~~~

I've watched you grow and barely noticed seasons as they pass.

If I could freeze the hands of time, I'd hold on to your lasts.

For come some bright fall morning you'll be going far away.

College life will beckon in a brilliant sort of way.

~~~~~

One last hug, one last goodbye, one quick and hurried kiss.

One last time to understand just how much you will be missed.

I'll watch you leave and think how fast our times together past.

Let me hold on longer God, to every precious last.

Two by Two the months pass by...

Dear Noah,

Oh the changes that take place in such a short time! Noah your momma is amazed at how quickly you change. This month was definitely not a disappointment. You started your forth month off by rolling over from your tummy to your back and although you have proven that you rolling over wasn't a fluke, you are definitely selective in where and how often you choose to roll over. The first time I found you rolled over was when I went to get you out of your crib. You were facing upwards which is not how momma put you to bed. I think that you were just as bewildered as momma about the whole experience. I think that most mornings you would be rolled over onto your back if you wouldn't first scoot yourself to the side of the bed, conveniently under your music box. Now as you try to roll over your booty hits the switch turning your music on and off. This happens more often than I can tell you, but you think it is funny.

Your other big accomplishment this month was being introduced to your first foods! Momma was trying to hold out until you were over four months old, however, you tried to eat every two hours on the 16th of April so I decided to give you a try on something new. Daddy and I mixed up your cereal and put you in your highchair, wiped out the baby spoon and you were in love! It took you a few minutes to understand what was fully going on, but once you figured it out you couldn't wait to get the next spoon full in your mouth. Then you tried to show momma how smart you are (even though I already know :) by taking the spoon from my hand and trying to feed yourself! And you did it! You actually got the spoon in and out of your mouth a couple of times. You did really good on your rice cereal for a few days so on Monday we decided to let you try your first Gerber food of Applesauce. Let's just say that today Applesauce was not your most favorite thing! I am sure given some time though and a day when you are a little more awake to eat you will learn to love Applesauce.

This month also brought your first cold. You got so congested that momma actually slept in your room one night because I was scared. You were having so much trouble breathing. I am not really sure if the congestion was caused by a little bug going around since momma and daddy got sick too, or if it has more to do with your teeth possible moving. Either way I am so glad that it has almost ended. Momma had to take you into the bathroom and sit in the steam, followed by a warm shower to loosen the crud. Daddy lowered one side of your box spring so your head was elevated and we also ran the Vick's Vaporizer. Momma gave you Tylenol for the first time because you were so uncomfortable and for a few days your temperature was close to 100 degrees F. Through it all, you were actually a pretty happy and content baby. You slept a little more and ate a little less, but the smiles never left your face.

Momma's heart has also been warmed this month by the return of your laughter! I am so glad that you have rediscovered this and are beginning to put it to full use. You laugh when daddy plays with you and when momma num nums on your neck, checks or belly.
You have also really began to imitate your daddy. Daddy has been working with you on saying momma, and you actually have begun to say it! The first time I heard you say it I thought for sure it was a coincidence, but you said it four more times in a row...and then when momma pulled the video camera out you decided to throw a fit, so momma couldn't get it on tape. You and daddy take turns gurgling, saying your m sounds, blowing spit bubbles by vibrating your tongue between your lips and sticking you tongue out at each other. It is a special time between you and daddy which you don't always let momma in on. When I come over to check you and daddy out I sometimes feel like I stepped into a boy's club where no girls are allowed. You become quiet and just look at daddy with your eyes saying "what's she doing here? I thought this was between us?" But honestly it doesn't bother momma to much. You and daddy need your time, and it makes me so happy to know that your momma has a wonderful husband who is such an amazing dad to you, our son. Momma hopes you grow to realize how lucky you are to have your daddy. He is an amazing man, husband, father, and an excellent role model for you to look up to.

You are also becoming so well behaved when you and momma go out shopping or running errands. You really enjoy looking around at the bright colors in the store and anything that is near you. You have become much more content sitting in your car seat; your stroller; or a cart, and playing with your toys that are attached to your car seat. You coo and smile and are such a handsome little boy, momma always gets tons of compliments on you. Everyone makes over you and how handsome you are, how much hair you have and your big smiles. They can not get over how well behaved you are and how social you are. You truly are a joy to be around.

Noah the last month has brought so many smiles to momma's face, I can only say Thank-you. Thank-you for being a bundle of joy that makes momma's heart melt every time I hear your laugh, see you smile or even breath in that sweet baby smell while you are snuggled against my chest.
With All My Love,
Momma

Guess who's rolling over!

Today marked a big day! Noah rolled over for the first time today...well actually tonight. I went in to get him from his crib because he was fussing and he was looking up at me! I am super excited about this because Noah honestly showed no signs in even being close to rolling over from tummy to back. I guess our baby is full of surprises.

My baby is Three...Months old that is.

Dearest Noah,

Time seams to escape me these days as it has been forever since I have written a letter to you. However, it is never very far from my mind. Finding the time to write when I feel the motivation to write at the same time is much harder.

You have definitely grown over the weeks. When I took you in for your "two month" check up (when in deed you were actually just over 9 weeks old) you weighed in at a whopping 12lbs 1oz and 23 inches long, and you haven't slowed down since! You are slowly coming up to the end of wearing some of your 3month clothes and I have washed and prepped the 3-6 month clothes to get them ready. Some of those clothes though I think I should have pulled out sooner because they appear to be on the smaller side.

You are so alert and interactive these days. You love to have conversations with momma and daddy and even with your toys. You have attempted at trying out a few consonant sounds but are sticking more to the vowels for now. You have gotten louder and louder as you continue to find your voice. It is evident that you have an opinion and want it to be heard...you are your mother's child.

You wake up so happy from your night time slumber and naps and almost always greet momma with big smiles and coos. You rarely wake up crying but instead babble in your bed until someone comes to get you. You have decided that you like your music box that hangs from your crib and you lay there contently talking to it as it sings you to sleep or keeps you occupied for short periods of time so momma can get a few things done.

You have begun to like tummy time a little more as we continue to work on it every day. Your favorite toy right now is a stuffed bright red monkey in a hula skirt. I think you would talk to Hula monkey almost all day given the chance. Momma and you play with your toys on your blanket for a few hours everyday and you have begun to explore your toys more by grabbing them, hanging onto them and moving them around on your own.

You have been bringing your hands together in front of you for awhile now and find great comfort and joy in sucking on your fists. At first this was something that you only did when you were extremely tired, but now you do it more often. Your arm and leg movements have definitely become more controlled and have more purpose now than they had before.

When momma rocks you to sleep you have started to try and grab her hair, but fortunately when momma asks you to "please let go" it is like you understand and let go every time. You also let go of momma's necklaces when asked. Momma can only hope that this continues as you get older.

Your bath time has become so much fun! You splash so hard the water splashes out of your tub and even out of the big tub onto momma and daddy. It is hilarious and makes you squeal. Daddy and I feel blessed that you enjoy your bath so much and never even complain if the water gets in your face.

You and I have somewhat settled into a routine although nothing is carved in stone and both of us try at least to be flexible with the other. You wake everyday around 5:50 am and I come to get you out of bed around 6. I was hoping more for seven, but someone must have told you that the early bird gets the worm because I thought I was the early riser, but you seem to beat me almost every morning. After talking to you for a min or two, I change your pants and then we head out to prepare a bottle. You are up to drinking 6oz at a sitting now. After burping you and a few more morning chats you usually lay under your play mat for about 30mins or so talking with your animals, and scooting all over. This gives momma time to get breakfast, wake up a little and check some e-mails and facebook. After a little while we sit and chat with each other and or play with some of your toys. About 7:30-8am you start getting sleepy, so we rock until you fall asleep and then I lay you in your crib or on my chest for a little nap. This nap is generally 40-60 mins long and you wake up again ready to eat. So it is on to bottle #2, burps, and then either a bath and/or getting you dressed and ready for the day. After you are dressed and ready for your day, you and momma normally play for another hour to two hours and then you go down for another hour nap. Then it is bottle #3...rinse, wash repeat....almost. We play for a few more hours, then you usually take another nap around 2pm to 3:30pm and then bottle #4. We usually read stories while laying on the floor after bottle #4. Daddy comes home around 4:30pm and plays with you until you get sleepy. This is when we start our night time routine.

At night we like to calmly change your diaper and get you into your pj's. Then we come out to the living room and shut all the blinds. you have bottle #5, burp, read a story, say our prayers and then rock until you fall asleep. This pattern has gone pretty well and it seems to calm you down and let you know that it is bedtime. You go to bed anywhere between 5pm-7:30pm although this month it has been closer to the 5pm side most nights. You sleep so soundly until somewhere between 2:30-4:30am everyday. You end up waking up when you have run out of room to scoot in your crib. :) Daddy and I have taken to placing you all the way at one end of your crib at night because you scoot in your sleep until you reach the other side, at which time you wake up. When you wake up, it is a quick diaper change, bottle #6 for the day, burping, rocking and putting you back to bed. it usually takes you a little bit to fall asleep after this feeding and sometimes I wonder if you always do, for you get to talking to yourself and forget to stop sometimes. On these mornings momma lets you talk in your own bed with the door pulled almost closed and I go back to bed. Even though I never sleep well because I wake up to every sound you make, but I don't know if I would choose to have it any other way.

This month also marked your first time "sleeping through the night." On 27 Feb 2010 you slept for 7.5 hours straight! I was sooooo excited, after a moment of panic and I realized that you were just fine. And you continued to shock me by sleeping as long as 10.5 hours straight over the next few weeks. It still fluctuates at times, but most nights you make it right around 9.5 hours before waking up.

You love your books! you love looking at the pictures and listening to the stories. I can not believe how content you are most nights and especially during the day when you are read to. I pray you continue to enjoy stories and when you learn to read someday you will learn to sit contently with a good book.

March marked another milestone for you and I. Momma had to go to the Doctor because her ears were hurting her so bad, and the Doctor told momma that she really needed to go back on her allergy meds. Of course momma knew that the meds would reduce how much milk momma could make for you even though the doctor didn't believe me. Momma tried to hold off taking the medication, but after days, weeks and months of non stop sneezing and misery momma had to start feeling better, so I took it. Of course momma's milk supply went down, so needless to say you are basically a formula feed baby, but we tried Peanut, we really did. So although momma can still Breastfeed you about twice a day right now this special bonding time will probably not last much longer. However, it is ok. I am sure that if you ever read these letters when you are older the fact that I breast feed you let alone told you about it will probably completely creep you out. I am convinced that we will have many other things to bond over, and that you will enjoy knowing about those things much more.

Noah, you are such a happy baby and I can only pray and hope that God helps you to carry that happiness inside of you forever.

With All of My Love,
Momma

The jealousy of your first "child"...

even if he is a cat.

Wesley and I adopted Saba from the Hawaiian Humane Society on 28 Feb 2009. He quickly became our "baby" and we lavished him with love and affection probably to what some people would consider an unhealthy degree. (Of course those people have probably never experienced the affection and warmth that a good lap cat can add to your heart!) Saba quickly became a family member and better to say he acted as my little shadow often. He was always the first to greet me in the morning and the last one to snuggle with me at night. Saba continued to snuggle with me all through my pregnancy up until about the last 4 weeks...I think I got up and down to often in the middle of the night to pee toward the end and he took to sleeping in many other places in the house.

When Noah came home with us, Saba continued to sleep other places at night such as the living room floor, back of the arm chair etc. However, the day I moved Noah out of our room, is the very same day Saba decided to "move" back in. I had no idea at the time that he was avoiding us because of the baby, I simply thought that he just found new comfortable spots to sleep.

But then the jealousy began...or at least I should say began to be more evident. Saba again meets me ever morning, except for now he meows at me to get me attention and runs between my feet. He gets on my lap when I sit down and hangs on for dear life if I try to move him off from me because I need to get up. But among the funniest thing that he has done lately is find even more "spots to sleep" or should I say spots he tries to take over and claim as his own...and yes everyone of these "spots" belong to Noah.

What I thought was "curiosity" from the cat, I seriously now believe is "jealousy". I always thought "first-borns" were a little more possessive, but I never thought that it would apply to an animal as well.

I wish I had pictures of him in a few other places he has "tried out" as well. Including the Car seat and Stroller.

The second month...

My Dearest Noah,

Oh how you have changed! I woke up one day and really had to ask myself where my "little baby" had gone and who this big boy next to me was!

The highlight of this month was definitely seeing you smile and laugh for the first time! You have a smile that could light up any room and warm any heart. Your laugh comes from your belly and is so genuine everyone laughs back at you when they hear it. You think that 3:30 am is the most hilarious time of the day and love to try to talk and laugh with momma in bed. It is so hard to resist having a conversation with you at that time, but momma and you need our sleep, so I try to encourage you to laugh and talk between 6-7am when you wake up again.

Grandpa and Nannah Sutton came to visit you this month and they spoiled you rotten, but in the long run it is OK. You no longer find your play mat entertaining, although we are working on getting you to like it again. However, you have taken more to your swing and talking to the animals on it.

Speaking of talking you are really finding your voice lately. Your favorite sound seems to be ouh...kind of like ouch...but much cuter. You have started to squeal a little too although this startles you somewhat. You love to stand up in front of people and have conversations with them for long periods of time, but when you are done you melt down, like your legs can not take it anymore.

You are so strong and everyone comments on it, even the doctors. Like I said before you can stand up for long periods of time and you hold your head up all by yourself. You can lift your head up off the mat and turn it side to side even though you fight tummy time with everything in you, but momma is making you do it regardless. Some day you will thank me :) You have begun to find your hands even more and I know that you have to be wondering what they are there for. You have started to reach for stuff, but haven't quite got the fact that you could grab something in front of you if you wanted. You spread out your hands though trying to explore the whole world around you and everything that comes near you. When you do grab on to some one's finger good luck to them getting their finger back!

Momma and you are still working on the breastfeeding thing, but I know I just need to relax over the subject and know that I am doing a good job and you are getting what you need. I do love the time we spend together doing it though. We supplement about twice a day and you suck a bottle down faster than momma can make it! And you burp like a grown man. It is to funny.

You are still sleeping with momma despite my short lived attempt at getting you into your own bed, but honestly I really enjoy having you there and knowing you are my child. Eventually I will move you into your own bed, but for now I am just going to enjoy this time with you. You do take your naps in your own crib and you do very well with that when you are on your tummy. However, I am not willing to let you sleep on your tummy at night when I can not keep my eye on you. Maybe when you are able to roll over it will be time to try it out, but until then we will learn to be content.

You love to be rocked even more than you did before and you get so relaxed when momma hums to you. I don't sing much because I hope you have a better "ear" than me as you grow older, but you love the humming. I try to think of new songs everyday to sing to you, but you love Silent Night, Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children, Strangers in the Night and The B-I-B-L-E...I don't know why but they just make you relax.

We sadly washed, folded and packed away your Newborn clothing at the end of 5 weeks. It was so sad, but you do look so cute in your 0-3 month outfits and the cloth diapers help you fill them right out! Hopefully we will make it through all of the outfits before we need to move onto the next size, but if not it is no big deal.

We also started using your cloth diapers this month, since we could finally get them tight enough around your legs and tummy. And we LOVE them! They keep you so dry and we haven't had any accidents with them. They also give momma a little something to hold on to when you are in her arms :) The diapers really require very little work besides rinsing the poo out of them when you go poo, and one extra load of laundry a day. I wash your diapers in the morning, hang them on the line and usually while you nap in the evening I stuff them and fold them again for the next day! I am so glad that I decided to have you be a cloth diapered baby and I can give a little bit back to the environment so you can enjoy it as you grow.

You checked out well at your Doctor's appointments and at 4 weeks you measured 21.5 inches long and weighed 9lbs 3oz. At 6 weeks you weighed 10lbs 2 oz, so you are definitely a growing boy. Your two month check up will bring another chance to see how much you have grown and your first round of immunizations. Hopefully we will handle it well.

I hope you know the joy and love you have brought to my life and you will forever feel loved and wanted. You are my angel and I thank God everyday for you. Continue to be happy and learn to love life with everything that is in your being. This is my wish for you.

With All of My Love,
Momma

A Love Letter...

Dear Noah,
The last three weeks have been the best three weeks of my life. Watching you grow and change everyday fills me will excitement and fear all at the same time. I am excited to see you interacting with the world around you as you discover new things but I am filled with fear that the time I have with you will go by to fast and be gone before I know it.
This week I saw you smile for the first time. You were laying on your mat and you looked at me and smiled. It wasn't one of the fake smiles from gas or something else but a real smile and it almost broke my heart. I try so hard to make sure you are a happy baby and seeing that smile just made me feel like I had done something right at that time.
You love to be on your play mat, listening to the music, watching the lights and looking at the animals hanging from it. You can actually scoot yourself all the way around the mat and you love to scoot toward the toucan that hangs on the one side. You are more fascinated with it for some reason than the other toys. You have started to move your mouth in the cooing fashion and have found a few sounds, and I know it won't be long before you are having your own conversations with your toys.
You love to be nursed and snuggle until you fall asleep. Luckily for me, I love this time too. It is so hard to put you down for a nap for I know there will be a day when you will not want your mother to hold you and love on you like you do now. I don't know if a baby can actually be spoiled at your age by being held to much, and I am not quiet sure if I care if you are spoiled in this way, for this time is precious and something I know that I will never get back. I saw it written once...that it is impossible to spoil a baby by holding them to much, since they are used to being held by their mother's 24 hours a day before they are born...so for now I think that this will be my motto, especially when someone tells me I am spoiling you.
You absolutely love your bath time and couldn't be happier being in the tub getting clean. You especially like it when your head is scrubbed, which you must have gotten from me, because I love having my hair played with and washed. You love to look out the kitchen window during bath time too. I am not quiet sure if you are looking at the tree or what fascinates you about the outside since nothing is really close enough for you to see, but you love it regardless.
Mommy and Daddy had to give you a bottle this week since your appetite is definitely a good one, which would explain why I always felt sick if I didn't eat often or quick enough when I was pregnant with you. I believe you hit a growth spurt though, and after five straight hours of nursing, mommy needed a break.
I have done the one thing I swore I would never do, and that is let you sleep in bed with us. Honestly it scares me to death. I would never be able to forgive myself if something happened to you, but I have become more comfortable with it over time. You are so content snuggled against my belly, in the same place you have been for the last 10 months. It is amazing when I look at you and actually realize that you..all of you...was tucked away in my tummy. What a true miracle and gift from God you honestly are.
There are a million more things that I could say to you about how you have changed my life in such a short time, if only I could find the words, but for now they are held in my heart.
I hope you know how much you are truly loved.
Love Always,
Momma