Tuesday morning marked the beginning of the final pre-birth check-ups for Noah and I. Needless to say this check-up was full of anticipation and hope that I was making progress in the right direction and closer to Noah's birth. Don't get me wrong it was full of information and lots of questions from the doctor, on things I had already done months ago, like pre-registration etc., but it was missing the one piece of information I wanted to hear so badly...."your dilated to_." I know it is premature, and that even if I was dilated it doesn't mean that Noah will/would be here any sooner than if I wasn't, but still I wanted to hear that sentence with a number plugged into it somewhere. Instead what I heard was..."wow your cervix is really far back....oh and it is closed tight, but it is softening." Jeez, thank you doctor, that definitely made that really uncomfortable situation even better.
Ever since then I have been in a funk. Honestly I am trying not to be, but I know that I am and worse yet I don't know how to stay out of it. I can get out of it for a little bit, but if I sit still for any amount of time, I feel like I fall right back into it. Maybe it is because people will not stop asking me how I am feeling, and I am really sick of putting a fake smile on my face the last two weeks and telling everyone I am great. And YES I AM READY to have this kid, so no need to ask that one either.
What I really want to tell people is that life for the last two weeks has really gone down hill. My easy pregnancy took a turn when my pelvis began to ache everyday! Maybe I don't have any right to "complain" or voice this because the rest of my pregnancy has been very easy, but it still sucks. I had to describe it the other day to Wes and the best thing I could say was it felt like someone was trying to turn my hips backwards into my butt cheeks and rip me in half from my lady parts. Some people might think that sounds drastic but that is honest to goodness exactly how it felt. It has gotten to the point that it hurts to lift my leg a few inches off the ground to be able to put my pants on in the morning and walking long distances isn't in the cards which means I lost my morning walking routine.
What sucks even more is that the pain has started to be there at night now too. So now I have the job of sleeping with a pillow crammed between my legs all night long just so I am able to get up in the middle of the night to pee and out of bed in the morning.
So like I said before I am ready for Noah to be here. Maybe this is what it took for me to get to that point because like I said I was comfortable being pregnant up until two weeks ago. Maybe this is God's way of helping me be ready to no longer miss being pregnant when the time comes, but to be thankful and grateful that the baby He has blessed me with is finally here in the flesh and in my arms. For that I will be more than grateful, and if this pain is what it takes, then I give thanks for that too.
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