It's Monday and at any other time in my life I would be at work right now earning a paycheck and wishing I wasn't there. However, now that I am a stay at home wife and soon to be mother my days are spent mostly in the house, which trust me has enough to keep one occupied for more than 40 + hours a week! I am not complaining that I am home, as a matter of fact I am becoming quite comfortable with being a "housewife", "domestic goddess", "home maker" or whatever one chooses to call it. The problem is I don't feel like I am keeping up with my new role now that I am pregnant!
Don't get me wrong, I feel truly and utterly blessed to be given this gift from God, and although I would love to say that I am cherishing every moment, let's be real, there are a lot of parts that I could do without! Seriously if I knew there was a point in time where I could stop feeling sick to my stomach I think that I might just hit the fast forward button and call it even with the other parts I missed!
Take today for example. My goal was to clean the kitchen and pack up the donations. Alright so needless to say that I accomplished both of those tasks by 10:30 this morning (which is actually very late for me, but I was enjoying chatting with my mother in law), but I started feeling sick toward the end of the cleaning and I haven't felt much better since!
What happened to the days that I could work all day, come home and cook, clean and do a project or spend time with friends and never felt like I was behind in things that "needed to be done?" Honestly, sometimes I look back and wonder how everything got done when I was out of the house at least half the day, everyday.
Maybe that is the trick. Maybe I should just go wonder other places for half of the day and then my house and chores would stay caught up. But would they? I mean I have spent a great deal of my time on the couch over the last 2 months dealing with morning sickness so how messy am I really? It is this eternal question with me right now. Where am I going wrong? Will it ever get back to "normal?" Part of me fears that I will never feel "normal" again. That after all of this time spent lying around trying not to get sick, and all of the time with my head in the toilet (and lets just say you notice some stuff about your toilet when your head spends as much time in is as mine does!) will I ever remember what "normal" feels like? Or is this it? Is this what the next 6+ months is going to amount to?
It is frustrating and I know that I am venting here, but I always thought that I would be one of those "glowing" pregnant women you pass in the supermarket and can't wait to "be like" one day! Let's face it. I am far from glowing. Granted my face turns red still at least once a day as I am heaving over my toilet praying "this to shall pass," but that wasn't quite the "glow" I had in mind. As far as complexions go, let's just say that I have more acne now than I have had at any other time in my life! I probably have enough to spare for a few teenage girls.
And let's face it. I don't "look" pregnant yet. I just look like I sat in the all you can eat buffet line for to long. Now I have to wear pants that come up to my boobs, so they are not pressing into my gut adding to the sickness I already feel on and off everyday! The lady who sold me the cloths at the maternity store was bragging about how she was wearing maternity cloths because they were comfortable and wasn't even pregnant! OK let's be real, buy some REAL CLOTHS THAT FIT YOU! Who would want these things riding up to your boobs everyday all day with no reason behind it? Wow.
Well I suppose I should try and do something more, even though I am sure doing much of anything at this point in time with send me straight to the "porcelain god," but I really feel as if I need to get up and move around so here goes nothing. Wish me luck.