Thursday, June 25, 2009

Pavlov's dogs...

As I was knelt over the toilet again this morning at 4:30am dry heaving my guts out I began to wonder about Pavlov's theory.

Quick recap for those not familiar with Pavlov: Pavlov basically confirmed that you could condition animals to elicit a certain responses if presented with a stimuli. He is famous for his dogs. Every time he would feed the dogs, Pavlov would ring a bell. The natural response to feeding was for the dogs to salivate. Eventually over time the dogs learned to associate the ringing of the bell to salivation even when there was no food present.

OK so back to my main point. As I am bent over the toilet I can not help but notice that saliva is just running from my mouth uncontrollably. I have noticed it before, but there has definitely been an increase of the amount over the last couple of weeks! So naturally the only thing I could think about were Pavlov's dogs! I had to chuckle and seriously wonder if this continues for the next 5 months if I will start to salivate every time I see a toilet!

I know this sounds gross, but God you have to find humor when you look into that bowl as often as I do. It makes you contemplate many things in life. Here are a few of the following I have contemplated:

1. No matter how hard or often I scrub it, there is still a faint yellowish stain on the bowl where the water doesn't stand. Not that any normal being just going in there to use the loo would notice, but when you are face to face with it, it is another story. So I have contemplated what else to use in it to make it whiter.

2. Why in the world, for the reason listed above and many more I won't list would any animal want to drink out of it! I get it, it is cold. But you would think eventually the animal is going to realise, hey this dumb human gives me fresh water everyday...I don't need dirty toilet water. (shouldn't that fall under the conditioning mentioned above?)

3. I have seriously thought about naming my toilet. I mean there are times that I spend more time praying over it than I do praying with my husband lately. And it feels my ass everyday. Shouldn't something that feels your ass everyday and you pray over get a name?

4. Why in the world would anyone ever even consider being bulimic? Anorexic I can understand (well really I can't, but for the sake of this argument I can). I can not understand why someone would choose to retch your insides like that everyday over a dirty toilet with saliva pouring from your mouth if you had a choice to begin with. But maybe the above are signs we should be looking for...People who salivate near a bathroom, pray over toilets, and have pet names for that big piece of porcelain. Then maybe it wouldn't be such a shock. The signs are there.

5. How in the hell does pee splatter get on the underside of the toilet seat? Yes it is there, maybe not every time (which leads more to this mystery since I would think that I pee the same everyday) but everyone who has ever lifted the seat to clean knows what I am talking about. And if you don't please tell me, because I will probably never use the bathroom at your house again! And no don't try blaming it fully on the men because even when they are not around it still appears!

So these are just a few of my thoughts on the big bowl I spend to much time with lately.

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