Day 5 and 6

Sat. I actually did good...right up until the point that I decided to go to a crop and stay up till midnight which is way past my bedtime. Up until super time I had 1536 calories. If I would have gone to bed at my normal time, I would have been golden, but I choose to try and do something for myself by going to the crop and needless to say I got hungry. I should have packed a snack, I should have gone out or ran home to find a better choice. I want to kick myself because I let myself have 2 small pieces of pizza and 4 tiny donuts because I was hungry and that what was available to eat. i hated myself for it every minute, but at the same time I knew if I ran home or out, I would probably have just came home and went to bed...and I wanted to work on my scrapbook. I am not even going to take the energy to find out how many calories that put me over...I would probably really want to die if I knew for certain. I have a fairly good guess, and it makes me sick.
I did however enjoy scrap-booking and finally got all the pictures from my cruise and stop at Busch Gardens back in 2008 onto paper...now I just need to journal and put the finishing touches on. I enjoyed every minute of it besides the 10 mins I was stuffing my face. And I was actually proud that I went out and took some time for myself...just wish I would have planned ahead and had something more nutritious to snack on. But this is a learning process. I believe I will apply this new thought to my Tuesday morning Bible studies where there is also a 15 min fellowship with everything but healthy food besides the fruit that some people do bring. So I will try bringing something more healthy or only allowing myself to take fruit and veggies.

Sunday I didn't do much better, but now I can understand where the unnecessary calories are coming from and make the necessary changes. I had roughly 1779 calories today. As much as I hate it I think I am going to try and write all of my food down in a journal as I go throughout the day. Since I haven't been adding them up until night, i need to track them better to be able to make the adjustments. I HATE Tracking, but I do understand the importance of it and i do believe it will help. Let's be honest though...I KNEW the Frito's and Cheese dip that I decided to have this weekend WAS NOT good for me or the calorie count, so I pretty much knew I would be over.
I don't know why I sabotage myself sometimes. Really that is how I feel. I am a work in progress and I do believe that I WILL do better this week. And YES there will be NO more Frito's :)

So I have for the last few months picked up this Magazine called CLEAN EATING. I really am interested in the whole process of it, the "simplicity" of it, and seriously interested in how some of the recipes would taste because even though all of the ingredients are natural, some of the descriptions sound horrible. However, with that said, I am so sick of eating the same things I could scream! I think that is part of the reason that I revert to eating things that are horrible for you.
In the magazine there are two sections that part of me so wants to try. One of them is 10 recipes for $66.00 and the other is a two week eating plan with your 3 meals a day and 2 snacks, all figured out for you nutrition wise and serving sizes...but the best part is that both sections have the grocery list of the things you need! Plus the section with the 2 weeks of meals uses the ingredients throughout the week and includes using the "left over" portions from the meals the day before! So that would mean less waste, less groceries, no guess work, and no side tracked shopping in the store! I so want to do it...but I am so scared about buying a bunch of food that taste horrible in the recipes and either trying to eat something else in place of it, and throwing the money and food away if it is bad. So I need to think about it. There is not much left in the house so I need to make the decision soon. The other scary part is that the grocery stores here do not always have the things you need in stock! which could throw the process off.

Decisions, decisions. Being Healthy is hard...at least to start, but I believe it will get easier with time. My hope is that I will learn to cook healthier things and more importantly eat those things, using natural ingredients and things from scratch. I want to limit or eliminate the amount of processed food that we buy.

Good news is that I get almost 5 hours back in my week from not going to the Chiropractor, so I am praying to use those hours wisely! Please pray for me to keep focused this week, making good sound decisions when it comes to food, and working out (I only have my workout class on MONDAY of this week and then I have the next 2 weeks off because of spring break...so these next two weeks will require me to work out on my own.) Your prayers and encouraging words and support are welcome. Thank you for all the advice and comments you have left so far. I have read all of them. Hope you all have a happy healthy week!